Long short story

Eric Johnson
Joey was a racist. Or at least he thought he was. The concrete was cold, and the night colder. His heart beat like canons going off on a mountain where the enemy made its way down. How did it come to this, he thought.
Joey grew up in a small Midwest town. He was what you might call a redneck. On the weekends he would go mudding with his friends or shoot guns along those lines. His best friend’s name was Franklin; they had been best buds since 2ed grade. He was what you might call a ladies man. He also had a burnout older brother named Red. In high Franklin and Joey’s friendship grew exponentially, most of what brought them together was the love of the outdoors, ladies, and having a good time. There town was mostly all white people, so this made their task easier, but their neighboring town was almost the opposite. One night at a football game, in which the rivaling towns tested their physical strength, Joey and Franklin viewed the stadium from the tops of the bleachers. They smoked cigarettes and conversed with their other friends, paying little or no attention to the game unless a touchdown was scored and they were required to clap and say generic cheers. Everything in that moment was perfect. Their team won and they were all in a prideful mood saying things like, “Stallions!” and such, when a member from the loosing team shouted, “get outa here ya hicks!”. Joey’s crew stepped into action all at once without a word being said. Before they knew it, it was a full out gang fight. Franklin had two big black men on him and was getting pummeled; Joey reached into his pocket and within seconds warm fluid dripped from his hands. At once the fight was frozen in time. Franklin starred at him and they both knew at that second that it was time to dip out. They both pilled into Franklin’s 71’ Chevelle and tore out. “I can’t believe you stabbed him man!” Franklin’s bloody face shot out. “I mean, you stabbed him!” Joey realized he was still holding the weapon and threw it out the window, still not responding. The car was silent. “He’ll be fine.” broke the silence. “What?” Franklin sputtered. “He’ll be fine, trust me”. “It doesn’t matter where you stabbed him, you stabbed him!” Franklin was practically screaming. Silence filled the car for a long while as they reflected on what had just happened. “Are we still going to Brad’s party?” Joey asked. “I’m going to need something to calm my damn nerves man…” “You are freaking out about this more than I am man, settle down.” Joey interrupted. “I know, I’m sorry, I’m just a little shocked is all.” Franklin took a few deep breathes and they pulled into the gravel driveway. “Howdy ya’ll!” Joey called as he draped his body out of the car. Cheers and common greetings fill the air and drinks are lifted as the hero arrives. Red stumbled up to his kid brother and blurted, “You are now a man, my little child, I am proud of you.” He is handed a drink and walks to the raging bonfire, which stretched at least10 feet into the air, shaking people’s hands and getting padded on the shoulder, half by people he didn’t even know. He sat down and everybody wanted to hear the story, from his perspective of course. He boldly restated how he had saved poor Franklin’s life and risked his own. He knew he was getting huge respect points for this. The rest of the night was a mixture of celebration and mayhem, as the alcohol took effect; he wandered to a field, staring at the stars. And all at once, he fell off his high stool and cried himself to sleep.

55 word play?

There once was a boy, and there once was a girl.
They both loved Lord of the Rings.
And it was good.
Then the truth came out.
And it was not good.

final play

The Man Who Saved the World
Eric Johnson hr2
JOHNA
I can’t believe we tipped the canoe on the first day.
KRIS
I would be more surprised if we didn’t tip the canoe on the first day.
[Laughs]
STEVE
Well at least we found a good campsite for tonight. After Kris’s little stunt, we’ll need some time to warm our cold and shriveled bones
KRIS
Oh so now it’s my fault!
STEVE
Whose great idea was it to…
JOHNA
Hey guys, lets not fight. We came up to the Boundary Waters to have fun, not to bicker about who’s fault it was that Kris tipped the canoe.
KRIS
You guys said you wanted to go down the falls, why is it all my fault?
STEVE
My exact words were, “Kris, I definitely do not want to go down those falls.”
KRIS
Well it sounds different when you say it that way.
JOHNA
And the screaming, “No turn the other way!” definitely didn’t register ether then?
KRIS
We would have made it if you pansies hadn’t frozen up and stopped paddling.


JOHNA
[Shivering]
Ether way, lets get a fire going here, I’m freezing my teeth off over here.
KRIS
Good plan, I’ll go get some wood for the fire. You guys can setup camp and whatnot.
STEVE
You mean dry out all our wet gear?
KRIS
Whatever makes you happy Steve.
STEVE
[Kris leaves and Johna and Steve fumble with their soaked equipment]
Ahh man, my sleeping bag is soaked. My tent, my jacket, my clothes, my tackle box…
JOHNA
Yea, we all got problems Steve.
STEVE
[rambeling}
My map, my compass, my socks, my Xbox. MY XBOX!
JOHNA
Xbox?
STEVE
My Xbox! That’s it I’m going to kill him!
[Steve stomps off in the direction Kris went]
JOHNA
[Out loud to himself]
Why would you bring an Xbox to the boundary waters? No, I’m not even going to ask.
[Kris comes running out of the woods]
KRIS
We have to leave! Now!
STEVE
We aint going anywhere, you broke my Xbox you…
KRIS
[Ignoring Steve]
Pack up, get the stuff in the canoe lets go!
JOHNA
[Annoyed]
Great, what’s going on this time?
KRIS
No, I’m serious. There’s something in the woods!
JOHNA
[Mockingly]
Oh Kris did he scare you?
STEVE
Did he happen to have an extra Xbox on him?
KRIS
I can’t explain it, all I know is that I don’t want to stick around here and be eaten by a Wildman in the woods.
[Kris starts throwing gear in the canoe franticly]
JOHNA
Okay, good one. You got me. Lets all get our already wet stuff all jammed into a canoe with three sweaty men just for Kris to say, “Oh hey, I was just kidding back there”.
STEVE
If you didn’t want to get firewood, you could have just said so.
[Steve begins towards the forest]
KRIS
[Franticly screaming]
Don’t go in there Steve!
STEVE
Oh my gosh I’m going to get eaten by an enormous monster in the woods save me!
[Steve continues into woods. Kris runs after him but turns back and pulling out his hair returns to cramming all of his things into the canoe. Johna, who is confused and amused at this whole situation sits back and watches it unfold]
KRIS
What are you doing? You don’t believe me do you?
JOHNA
Wait, you’re serious about this aren’t you?
KRIS
Yes!
JOHNA
Awe come on, there’s not a monster in the woods, your mind is playing tricks on you. Too much water in your ears.
[Kris stops packing and looks at Johna, beginning to rethink his encounter]
KRIS
[Uneasily]
Maybe you’re right, I do need glasses.
JOHNA
See there we go. Now let’s get all your junk out of the canoe.
[Steve comes stumbling out of the woods, holding his arm with a grin on his face]

STEVE
Ahh guys, he ate my arm! Save me!
KRIS
Alright guys, have your laughs. Have your laughs.
[Steve; still grinning about his cleaver stunt tosses the loot down and sits down with a sigh]

STEVE
Alright, let’s get this baby going!
JOHNA
[Proudly]
Well they don’t call me the fire king for nothing.
KRIS
Less talk, more fire.
[Johna holds his word and starts the fire with ease]
STEVE
[Warming his hands to the fire]
Ahh that feels good, almost makes me wish I had an Xbox right now.
[Kris shakes head]
JOHNA
[A guitar emerges from the pile of gear]
Gee, good thing I got a waterproof guitar case, I knew something like this would happen.
STEVE
Do we have to go through this again?
KRIS
I enjoy his guitar music.
JOHNA
Why thank you Kris, I definitely take that to heart.
[Johna plays some generic chords on guitar and the fire rages on. Kris starts singing noticeably out of tune but keeps singing despite it.]
STEVE
[In an English accent]
Please spare me. I don’t think I shall last another song my dear.
JOHNA
Well if you don’t like it, you can leave.
STEVE
Okay, I’ll just go home.

KRIS
“Why don’t you throw your self in next time Peragin Took to rid us of your foolishness!”
JOHNA
Lord of the Rings!
[Everybody laughs and johna puts down the guitar. They gaze upon the stars as the fire crackles like a hundred bowls of snap, crackle pops.]
STEVE
Ahh, I could fall asleep right here.
JOHNA
Well I forgot to setup the tent, so I guess you don’t have much of a choice.
STEVE
[Chuckles]
That’s my boy!
[Kris begins to snore]
JOHNA
He had a hard day huh?


STEVE
Oh definitely!
[Suddenly a lumberjack stumbles out of the woods. He is at least 7 foot 4 and definitely not happy. He approaches the campsite and Johna starts to reach into his pocket where his knife is hidden.]
LUMBERJACK
Don’t even try it. You’ll be dead in a second.

STEVE
[Trembling]
What do you want?

LUMBERJACK
What do I want? What do you want? I heard your ruckus from the other side of the lake. You could have woke the dead with that attitude.
JOHNA
Were you the figure our friend saw earlier?
[Looking at Kris who is sound asleep]
LUMBERJACK
He walked like a drunken hobo through the woods. I was curious to see weather he would be friend or foe. What would you humble beings be doing up here anyways?
STEVE
Were on a camping trip up here, I guess…
LUMBERJACK
Camping? Why would you be camping in such dangerous lands?
JOHNA
Dangerous lands?
LUMBERJACK
Oh, don’t you know? A few months ago Per DeSoto the third, the Bear King of the north, sent warriors into the west to conquer the free lands of Bell Song Cook, the Bear King of the south. Ever since then, DeSoto’s bears have been wandering these lands they have been killing all in sight. My outpost is one of the few that remains for men in these lands. Most humans are caught in the crossfire and are slaughtered. I see that you are unaware of this so I will take you under my wing. You’re lucky I found you so quickly; you would never have made it through the night. Come with me, quickly grab only what you need.


JOHNA
[Shocked and confused.]
Ummm… okay…
LUMBERJACK
[The lumberjack keeps a stern face for a few seconds but then bursts out]
Nah, I’m just messing with you.
[The lumberjack runs back into the woods and is never seen from again, leaving Johna and Steve looking at each other with the most confused faces you will ever see.]
JOHNA
[Johna breaks the silence with]
That was the most random slash awkward slash confusing situation I’ve been in for quite some time.
STEVE
Yea, that ones definitely up there. I don’t even know what to say about that one.
[Long pause while they reflect about the situation around the fire.]
JOHNA
I can’t believe Kris slept through this whole thing.
STEVE
[Throws small pebble at Kris’s motionless body]
I do, a tornado wouldn’t even wake this kid up.
[Laughs. Suddenly a growl comes from the woods and Steve and Johna nervously look at each other, pretending not to remember what the lumberjack had said.]
STEVE
Johna, I don’t want to get eaten by a bear. We better use Kris as bait and lure them away from camp.
JOHNA
Oh, you’re right let’s do that.
[Neither one moves and the growling continues]
STEVE
Well, I’m going to bed. Goodnight, sleep tight, don’t let the dark lord of the bears eat you!
JOHNA
Okay fine!
[Laughs]
Goodnight Steven.
STEVE
It’s Steve!
[Steve falls fast asleep but Johna stays up for quite some time, working about the bears. He eventually falls asleep and the next morning is awaken by the scent of dew on pine trees, and the musty smell of the fire which still had some smoke it hadn’t given up yet. He sat up wondering if what had happened the night before was all in his imagination or if a lumberjack had rely wandered into camp or if it was just his imagination. He lightly touches Steve’s arm]
JOHNA
Steve, Steve! Wake up!
[Steve rolls over and ignores Johna]
JOHNA
Bear!
[Instantly Steve is awake and alert]
STEVE
Bear! What, where, how, when?
JOHNA
[Laughing]
Just kidding.
STEVE
[Pissed]
Forget you!
[Kris suddenly awakens.]
I had the craziest dream last night!

rough copy of My Play

The Man Who Saved the World

Eric Johnson hr2
JOHNA
I cant belive we tipped the canoe on the first day.
KRIS
I would be more surprised if we didn’t tip the canoe on the first day.
[laughs]
STEVE
Well at least we found a good campsite for tonight. After Kris’s little stunt, we’ll need some time to warm our cold and shriveled bones
KRIS
Oh so now its my fault!
STEVE
Who’s great idea was it to…
JOHNA
Hey guys, lets not fight. We came up to the boundary waters to have fun, not to bicker about who’s fault it was that Kris tipped the canoe.
KRIS
You guys said you wanted to go down the falls, why is all my fault?
STEVE
My exact words were, “Kris, I definitely do not want to go down those falls.”
KRIS
Well it sounds different when you say it that way.
JOHNA
And the screaming, “No turn the other way!” definitely didn’t register ether then?
KRIS
We would have made it if you panseys hadn’t frozen up and stopped paddling we would be in this situation.

JOHNA
[shivering]
Ether way, lets get a fire going here, I’m freezing my teeth off over here.
KRIS
Good plan, I’ll go get some wood for the fire. You guys can setup camp and whatnot.
STEVE
You mean dry out all our wet gear?
KRIS
Whatever makes you happy Steve.
[Kris leaves and Johna and Steve fumple with their soaked equitment]
STEVE
[digging through geer]
Ahh man, my sleeping bag is soaked. My tent, my jacket, my clothes, my tackle box…
JOHNA
Yea, we all got problems Steve.
STEVE
[rambling}
My map, my compus, my socks, my Xbox. MY XBOX!
JOHNA
Your what?
STEVE
My Xbox! that’s it I’m going to kill him!
[Steve stomps off in the direction Kris went]
JOHNA
[outloud to himself]
Why would you bring an Xbox to the boundary waters? No, I’m not even going to ask.
[Kris comes runing out of the woods]
KRIS
Guys! We have to leave! Now!
STEVE
We aint going anywhere, you broke my Xbox you…
KRIS
[ignoring Steve]
Pack up, get the stuff in the canoe lets go!
JOHNA
[annoyed]
Great, what’s going on this time?
KRIS
No, I’m serious. There’s something in the woods!
JOHNA
[mockingly]
Oh Kris did he scare you?
STEVE
Did he happen to have an extra Xbox on him?
KRIS
I cant explain it, all I know is I don’t want to stick around here and be eaten by a Wildman in the woods.
[Kris starts throwing gear in the canue franticly]
JOHNA
Okay, good one. You got me. Lets all get our already wet stuff all jammed into a canoe with three sweaty men just for Kris to say, “ Oh hey, I was just kidding back there”.
STEVE
If you didn’t want to get firewood, you could have just said so.
[Steve begins twards the forest]
KRIS
[franticly screaming]
Don’t go in there Steve!
STEVE
Oh my gosh I’m going to get eaten by an enormous monster in the woods save me!
[Steve continues into woods. Kris runs after him but turns back and pulling out his hair returns to craming all of his things into the canue. Johna, who is confused and amused at this whole situation sits back and watches it unfold]
KRIS
What are you doing? You don’t belive me do you?
JOHNA
Wait, your serious about this aren’t you?
KRIS
Yes!
JOHNA
Awe come on, there’s not a monster in the woods, your mind is playing tricks on you. Too much water in your ears.
[Kris stops packing and looks at Johna, beginning to rethink his encounter]
KRIS
[uneasily]
Maby your right, I do need glasses.
JOHNA
See there we go. Now lets get all your junk out of the canoe.
[Steve comes stumbling out of the woods with a grin on his face]

STEVE
Ahh guys, he ate my arm! Save me!
KRIS
Alright guys, have your laughs. Have your laughs.
[Steve; still grining about his cleaver stunt tosses the loot down and sits down with a sigh]
STEVE
Alright, lets get this baby going!
JOHNA
[proudly]
Well they don’t call me the fire king for nothing.
KRIS
Less talk, more fire.
[Johna holds his word and starts the fire with ease]
STEVE
[warming his hands to the fire]
Ahh that feels good, almost makes me wish I had a Xbox right now.
[Kris shakes head]
JOHNA
[a guitar emerges from the pile of gear]
Gee, good thing I got a waterproof guitar case, I knew something like this would happen.
STEVE
Do we have to go through this again?
KRIS
I enjoy his guitar music.
JOHNA
Why thank you Kris, I definitely take that to heart.
[Johna plays some generic chords on guitar and the fire rages on. Kris starts singing noticicabley out of tune but keeps singing despite it.]
STEVE
[in an English accent]
Please spare me. I don’t think I shall last another song my dear.
JOHNA
Well if you don’t like it, you can leave.
STEVE
Okay, I’ll just go home.
KRIS
“Why don’t you throw your self in next time Peragin Took to rid us of your foolishness!”
JOHNA
LOTR!
[everybody laughs and johna puts down the guitar. They gaze upon the stars as the fire crackles like a hundred bowls of Snap, crackle pops.]
STEVE
Ahh, I could fall asleep right here.
JOHNA
Well I forgot to setup the tent, so I guess you don’t have much of a choice.
STEVE
[chuckles]
That’s my boy!
[Kris begins to snore]
JOHNA
He had a hard day hu?

STEVE
Oh definitely!
[All of a sudden a firey demon appears out of the woods and shoots flames out in anger]
DEMON
Who be these weary travlers who are so daring as to camp on MY land!
[Steve and Johna tremble in fear as Kris snores away his troubles]
DEMON
Speak quckley!
JOHNA
[trembling]
My name is Johna, and this here is Steve.
DEMON
And what be your buessness in these lands?
[Johna and Steve look at each other and notice that Kris is still sleeping sound. The Demon snorts in anger as smoke emits from every pore in his body]
STEVE
Were are here on a camping trip. We have no official “buesness” here.
DEMON
You mean to tell me that you traveled to these lands for a bit of leasurley fun?
JOHNA
[nervously]
Umm… yes.
DEMON
[ferioucley with spurts of flams emerging from accented words.]
Do you take me for some blockheaded imbusule! I am not that easily tricked!

STEVE
I don’t know what else to say, we have no “buesness” to speak of. We are here on a canoe trip to conclude the summer before senior year.
DEMON
Maby you are, and maby you arent. There is only one way to tell.
[the demon pulls a guitar from his flaming body and plays a short serious of amazing chords]
DEMON
Prove yourself to me. If you carry such a musical instrament so far, for fun, you should be able to compete against me. For your lives.
JOHNA
I… umm… I’m not that great of a…
DEMON
Play or you die!
JOHNA
[nerviousley picks up guitar and gets into position. Whispers to Steve]
What do I do, what should I play?
STEVE
[whispering]
Kid, I don’t know, you’re a guenios, figure something out.
DEMON
[impatentley]
I don’t hear any music!
JOHNA
Okay, okay.
[Johna plays a chord. And folows it by several others and lyrics that come to him simultaneously. He sings the greatest song the demon had ever heard. All sence of space and time warps into this moment and it stretches into forever as the tunes melt away anguish of the demon. The song finally comes to an end and the demon speaks quietly.]
DEMON
I shall return into the woods now. You have earned your keep.
[the demon slumps back into the forest of which he came from and is never heard from again. Johna and Steve stair at each other for a minute. Still not sure if what had just occoured had been real or a dream. No words are exchanged because they know what the other would say. They are obrublety interrupted by the continued snoring of Kris, who has slept through this whole ordeal. They laugh and both decide to go to bed, again with no words, to beter think in the morning with clear heads. The next morning Kris awakes the two other campers.]
KRIS
So I had the crasiest dream last night…